Today’s One Liners

Told the kids I’ve got them a dog *just* like Spot. They’ll be devastated when they find out I meant ‘not real’.

Amazing how some people don’t like playing snakes and ladders. And yes, I’m talking to you, Mr. ‘Security-guard-who-threw-me-out-of-B&Q’.

I used to wake my girlfriend up with a cup of tea every morning. Until she started complaining about how long the sheets took to dry.

I often wonder if Weston-super-mare would be as famous if the horse didn’t have any special powers.

“They don’t make them like they used to”, is pretty much just the brief history of manufacturing.

“Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.” “I’m very sorry, sir.”“It’s fine, but it’d be great if you could add some more.” – Spider restaurant

If someone tries to give me a lobotomy, they’ll get a piece of my mind.

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