Today’s One Liners

I sometimes watch my cat wash for ages. It’s quite mesmerising. Until the spin cycle starts. Then I just end up getting dizzy.

“Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.” – Extract from my book, ‘Who to try to snog at Weddings’.

While many men dream of a threesome, they have to make do with a handsome.

BREAKING: Alistair Darling pushes to introduce more Scottish food into English schools, “Batter Together”.

King Arthur sent all his old horses to the taxidermist. It was the stuff of knight mares.

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