Today’s One Liners

OK, so maybe taking the Xmas decorations down *would* be easier than always wearing winter clothes so my snow globe santa doesn’t catch on.

Still not sure I’m happy living in a world where killing two birds with a stone is considered a good thing.

Whoever designed my vacuum cleaner was clearly way ahead of James Dyson with the ‘Aimlessly nudging bits of dirt around the room’ setting.

I made a dvd montage of movie clips where people very quietly and carefully close doors, then slid it under my neighbour’s door. Too subtle?

I’m surprised that more villains in films don’t make bombs with wires all the same colour.

I have the day off. Which obviously means that it’ll be 6pm in what feels like about two hours.

Fun things to do in Tesco No.31: discreetly slip a pack of condoms into a couple’s trolley and then queue up behind them at the checkout.

WATERSTONES STAFF PICK:“The Bible – The most vividly imaginative writer since Terry Pratchett.”

Old Macdonald had a tricky Scrabble hand, E-I-E-I-O.

What’s that, Lassie? Lulu’s trapped down the wee-eeee-eeee-lllllll?

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