Today’s One Liners

“You’re going to get 4 inches of snow tonight!” – Jon Snow seduces his wife

For the next referendum, I think we should vote on whether Nigel Farage should be blasted into the centre of the sun.

IDEA: Film where bacteria open a fairground in a guy’s chest, “Thoracic Park”.

Confused a blue pill with blue cheese. Girlfriend is less impressed that I’m now in bed with a massive stilt-on.

I’m more worried about who is putting worms in cans in the first place.

FUN FACT: Ducks have no newspapers called ‘The Daily Echo’.

If you feed drugs to a caterpillar, it turns into a crystal moth.

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