Today’s One Liners

“ZZZ.” – a family of Ns sleeping

Started to download Titanic onto my iPad, and got a message saying ‘synching’. Worst spoiler ever.

When VHS recorders came in I thought I’d never master the controls. Fast forward 10 years and I… hold on… rewind a year… no, forward a bit…

You should never go to bed on an argument. Argue first thing in the morning, when your partner’s not quite sure what’s going on.

The one thing that the Tescos story has taught me is that everybody hates Capitalism.

Movember under serious threat this year as everyone’s already got a beard.

Bears think if you’re lying down motionless, you’re dead. So every day, the first bear to wake up thinks its entire family is dead. Tragic.

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