Today’s One Liners

If you hold a nutshell to your ear, you’ll hear a concise summary of a subject.

If a scientist creates a dog in a lab, and nobody is around to see it, does he make a hound?

Helped a French girl translate ‘Le Monde’ this morning. It meant the world to her.

Man trapped overnight in Waterstones found sleeping on a thesaurus. He’s said to be happy, pleased, delighted, and ecstatic to be out.

“Make lovely tea with it” – PG Tips “Make lovely f*cking tea with it, you twats” – 18-rated Tips

1. Buy a furniture shop. 2. Close it for 100 years. 3. Reopen, and make a fortune selling antique furniture.


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