Today’s One Liners

The first rule of Oedipus Club? Mum’s the word.

A time machine is just like a washing machine, except a time machine can make your old clothes fit you again.

Having two eyes on the front of your face really puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?

Just started a new job as Head Chef at an even bigger monastery. Out of the frying pan, into the Friar.

Judge sentences Boromir for regular domestic abuse, saying, “One does not simply walk into more doors

FUN FACT: IKEA has a team dedicated to designing the bit you have left after construction that looks essential but isn’t in the instructions

The oral sex with my imaginary girlfriend is mind-blowing.

Due to an unfortunate typo, I’ve now got front row tickets tonight to the “MOOB Awards”.

We never hear anything from Rick Astley these days. It’s almost like he’s given us up, and let us down.

“I’m calling from the anagram club, you’ll have to rearrange your interview.” “No problem, it’s ‘view true irony’.” “Ok, son, you’re in.”

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