Today’s One Liners

You had me at “Hello, I’m a multi-millionaire heiress nymphomaniac with my own vineyard.”

Told my friend that you’re supposed to start Movember clean-shaven. She wasn’t happy.

I’ve started making a Bonfire Night collage out of pasta. Penne for the Guy.

Haunted French pancake shops still give me the crepes. #Halloween

Set up a blog about the world’s worst singer. No hits so far.

My girlfriend has just ironed my “This is what a feminist looks like” t-shirt, and now I’m worried I’ll have to return it.

“Meinen Fuhrer?! Actually, it’s Mein Führer.” Grammar Nazi

She wants a ‘funny and spontaneous’ guy, yet I tap on her window, uninvited at night, dressed as a clown, and it’s all screams and sirens.

Bought some Kettle Chips today. They seem to be much soggier than Oven Chips.

As far as UKIP is concerned, Halloween is just another day of Romanian looking people turning up on our doorsteps asking for money.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s