Today’s One Liners

If a taxi driver starts talking about immigration, I just tell him to take me back to where I came from.

I saw a horse-drawn carriage this morning. It was awful. Horses can’t draw for shit.

Product idea: bubble wrap clapping gloves for theatre audiences.

When someone unplugs a random electrical plug near you, pretend to fall asleep/turn off like you’re a robot as a clever double bluff 😉

One of the main stages of the creative process is the ‘God I’m shit at this’ stage. The trick is to have the confidence it’s just a stage.

Get your Benedict Cumberbatch name by marrying him.

uspect a lot of internet anger is the scrambled excreta of Loneliness

If you’re wondering how the fifth book of the Hebrew Bible got it’s name, well… it’s due to Ron and me.

English is my first language, but I’m also effluent in talking shit.

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