Today’s One Liners

‘Cooking doesn’t get any tougher than this.’ I mumble to myself, as I try to pierce the film lid several times with a balloon whisk.

Honestly, I buy my girlfriend *one* sedan chair, and now she’s getting carried away.

You can tell a lot about a man’s state of mind from his socks. Especially if he wears them on his hands and makes them talk to each other.

If Michael Bublé was English he’d probably go by the name of Mickey Bubbles, and not be a singer. I’m thinking train driver.

What do we want? More cat impersonations! When do we want it? Meow!

It was my ‘Never Say Die’ attitude which ultimately cost me my job as a German Teacher.

When the shit hits the fan, you know the extractor in your bathroom is too powerful.

Watched “Lapland’s Got Talent” last night, but it was pretty much just Elvish impersonators.

If there isn’t a gangster film with an all dog cast, someone needs to make “Pugsy Malone” immediately.

ANTIQUES ROADSHOW 2158:“This is what they used to call a ‘smartphone’ – people would stare at them for hours, to avoid conversations.”

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