Just a quick reindeer to always make sure you check for names of large animals randomly appearing in tweets.
I found out why my computer kept freezing. Apparently I had too many windows open.
Despite kidnapping a child, The Snowman remains one of the few media personalities from the 70s yet to be investigated by Operation Yewtree.
“Santa Baby” is a cute song, until you think how genuinely terrifying an infant with full beard coming down your chimney at night would be.
I always remember mum saying, “You treat this house like a hotel!”. Until my Tripadvisor review about ‘rude staff’.
YouGov Poll: 68% of Sun readers pretend to understand the word ‘hypocrite’.
My mate keeps saying I can’t rip another donkey shape out of paper. I’m going to tear him a new ass.
Q. Where did the Elephant go? A. He packed his trunk and went on holiday! Only joking – it was ivory poachers.
I like to imagine TV presenters breaking up with their partners by saying, “I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got time for”.
“Wandsworth” sounds like a nickname for an overly officious Wizard.
[Job interview] “How would you describe yourself?” “I’d use the appropriate adjectives.” “Anything else?” n”Over-literal sometimes.”