Today’s One Liners

I got a pirate copy of ‘Up’. It was by Pixarrr.

You can buy vegetarian pasties in Quornwall.

Correction, it HAD been a great year, until everyone started sharing their smug photo montages on Facebook.

On this day in 1914, for a moment, soldiers in trenches lay down weapons, and called across the battlefield, “Do you know what day it is?”

Mum just said “you treat this place like a hotel”. Which she may regret when I give a lower score on Tripadvisor for ‘rude staff’.

My girlfriend says I like cookery programmes a bit too much. I’ve taken it with a pinch of salt, a sprig of rosemary, and a balsamic glaze.

A man has invented a machine purely to steal liquorice. It takes all sorts.

Awards ceremonies should always have a ‘Best Acceptance Speech’ category, just to pile pressure on the winner.

Seems odd Greece is holding snap elections over the economic crisis, yet still sent that big wooden horse as a gift to the IMF central bank.

What if John Lennon had opened a sexy lingerie shop? Imagine all the peep-holes.

Confuse future archeologists by burying your pets in elaborate military uniforms.

According to Malcolm Gladwell, you need to do something for 10,000 hours to become an expert at it. I’m now an expert at ‘eating turkey’.

Doctor Who’s most pretentious enemy was the La-Di-Daleks.

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