Today’s One Liners

I’m not insecure, but I do shout “I love you!!” into wells every day, just to hear it repeated.

Just seems ridiculous that the word “apiary” doesn’t have any bees in it.

Pa pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pass the butter O o o o, o o o o o o o, o o o o o o ok – Pearl & Dean at breakfast

Just once I’d like to be able to call in sick and use the excuse ‘Because I’m a dolphin’.

One of those hangovers where you’re only an unfortunately-timed sneeze away from dislodging several vital organs.

The first rule of Halibut Awareness Club is that there is no such thing as Halibut Awareness Club. That would be ludicrous.

“Let them tweet cake.” – Marie Internette

People keep giving me scale models of Liverpool. I suppose I should be thankful for small Merseys.

Woke up this morning with my brain whirring – actually is it supposed to make that noise?

Of course, I’d already been fired from SeaWorld by the time I realised that “Sperm Whales” is the name of a species, rather than a task.

“These heels are KILLING me.” – Achilles

Well, that’s the last time I share a sauna with Gwyneth Paltrow.

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