Today’s One Liners

FRANCE FACT: The town next to Bayonne is called ‘Getonne-free’.

I wonder how many Grandmas are misdiagnosed with hyperthyroid problems, when they’re actually wolves.

A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single person falling asleep on the last train.

IDEA: Speed Dating, but with ‘winner stays on’ rule.

Marvin Gaye taught me to combine wine making and cattle farming. I herd it through the grapevine.

Supermarkets asked to move daffodils away from fruit & veg to avoid confusion. Shoppers asked to keep arses away from elbows at all times.

Well, if you’re not supposed to lick them, then I’m not sure that they should really be called ‘Lollipop Ladies’. Your honour.

RUGBY FACT: Wales’ last 5 results have been LLWLW. Which is also the Welsh word for ‘disappointing’.

Spent this morning catching some rays. And now I have a lifetime ban from the National Aquarium.

99p Stores bought by Poundland. All change for them

I’ve just spilled quinoa on my laptop keyboard. Assume I need to wipe it clean with a hemp cloth, or a copy of the Guardian?

My date last night ticked a lot of boxes. Including the one that said “Tick if you find it creepy that he’s making you fill in a survey”.

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